B-A-B-Y M-A-M-A
“This goes out to all my baby mamas this goes out to all my baby mamas!”
Oh dear.
I did get my first mothers day card this past Sunday. Granted, it was from Manhattan. But I jokingly declared myself a “Baby Mama.” After today, I fear something is going on. I must be in heat again or something. Some people may like to attribute my strange encounters to “Miami” but when the apocalypse rears its demented and sure as hell not so funny head, I like to say that I must be in heat. Its precious.
I’m at my favorite salon today when my cute (but-learning-english-slowly-but-yes-shes-good-and-sweet-so-no-complaints) lady reminds me she’ll be traveling to Columbia during the month of July. I told her I’m moving to Texas. She asks for what. I tell her school. She asked me what my husband did. Husband. That made me want to jump off the table more than anything that gooey substance that rips hair off your body could ever do to me. I wasn’t even wearing a ring. ANY kind of ring. Not even my school ring which is kinda sorta close to the ring finger ring. Christ. If I was married you better be damn straight I’d have a rock on that finger. I ain’t foolin around children.
It gets better.
I’m in the checkout lane at Publix where apparently its okay to let your twelve year old child bag groceries just for fun. The kid starts bagging my food (which just about gave me a panic attack in and of itself, although he did package up my wine rather nicely…kinda frightening) and then begins to hand me the bags. As he does he says in his ever so grownup like little kid voice…”Did you have a nice Mothers Day?” Somehow in my state of shock/horror/what the fuck did you say…I muster an “Oh Honey, I’m not a mommy.”
What the hell.
Cause I ain’t kidding when I said I wanted a rock if I get married. I’m asking for a diamond eternity band from Tiffanys for every gila monster I happen to pop out. I’d have bling and ice my children. Bling and Ice.
So, thanks Fantasia for the baby momma song. I needed it today.
Oh dear.
I did get my first mothers day card this past Sunday. Granted, it was from Manhattan. But I jokingly declared myself a “Baby Mama.” After today, I fear something is going on. I must be in heat again or something. Some people may like to attribute my strange encounters to “Miami” but when the apocalypse rears its demented and sure as hell not so funny head, I like to say that I must be in heat. Its precious.
I’m at my favorite salon today when my cute (but-learning-english-slowly-but-yes-shes-good-and-sweet-so-no-complaints) lady reminds me she’ll be traveling to Columbia during the month of July. I told her I’m moving to Texas. She asks for what. I tell her school. She asked me what my husband did. Husband. That made me want to jump off the table more than anything that gooey substance that rips hair off your body could ever do to me. I wasn’t even wearing a ring. ANY kind of ring. Not even my school ring which is kinda sorta close to the ring finger ring. Christ. If I was married you better be damn straight I’d have a rock on that finger. I ain’t foolin around children.
It gets better.
I’m in the checkout lane at Publix where apparently its okay to let your twelve year old child bag groceries just for fun. The kid starts bagging my food (which just about gave me a panic attack in and of itself, although he did package up my wine rather nicely…kinda frightening) and then begins to hand me the bags. As he does he says in his ever so grownup like little kid voice…”Did you have a nice Mothers Day?” Somehow in my state of shock/horror/what the fuck did you say…I muster an “Oh Honey, I’m not a mommy.”
What the hell.
Cause I ain’t kidding when I said I wanted a rock if I get married. I’m asking for a diamond eternity band from Tiffanys for every gila monster I happen to pop out. I’d have bling and ice my children. Bling and Ice.
So, thanks Fantasia for the baby momma song. I needed it today.
posted by Cat at 9:19 PM
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