You oughtta know (acoustic version)
“Hi. Um I know you just called and said you couldn’t make it. Yeah really no problem. But just so you know, I counted and there’s only like 46 days until I move to El Paso. Yeah I know can you believe it? Well, its just that, I’m fine with you not coming over tonight, I understand, really. But I mean that’s only 7 more martini nights and well it doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for anything really. And I can’t keep throwing my days away (which by the way I’m doing quite marvelously despite my better intentions). You see, I know it has taken a while and I’ve probably been a jerk…But for some reason, I’ve decided that I should have you in my life. And I don’t know about you but five minutes here and there don’t constitute quality time. So, if you want to wait until Sunday, that’s fine. But I’m just letting you know that I want to let you in, and you’ve only got 46 days to be here. So. Thanks. For. Well. I just wanted to say that. Thanks.”
I’ve been stupid and selfish. I got stood up tonight. Granted I don’t wanna date him. So, maybe he’s actually spending time with someone who does. Good for him. It would be selfish of me to deny him that since I’ve denied him thus far. “But for some reason, I’ve decided that I should have you in my life.” Hmm. Arrogant or eccentrically charming? I’m both. Are you cheering for the “You’re right, Sunday isn’t Soon Enough” or “Well isn’t that lovely, how Kind of You to decide you want to spend time with me now?”
B referred to me as a reluctant post modernist traveler. (My apologies if I butchered your phraseology—do write on it soon. It’s my arrogance. I’d like to know what that means.) Apparently I’m quite reluctant to do much that is authentic at the moment. I spent a rather inauthentic weekend in KW, I’ve been inauthentic with my feelings, even my clothing has been inauthentic. And yet, when the moment has called on me to let it all out, it ain’t there. (Oh and just so you know, the breasts, they are still authentic.) I’m a passionate person who Uses herself passionately in imitation love, never finding the genuine article.
Ah. Thank you thesaurus.
gen⋅u⋅ine adj
1. having the qualities or value claimed
2. not affected or pretended
3. honest and open in relationships with others
4. being of unmixed breeding
I currently fit none of the above.
A few months back, someone asked me what I was thinking. Over and over again. I now realize, I should have told him. It would have been genuine. He deserved genuine.
Where do I start to make it right. And with whom. Today I commented that to lock oneself up to finish the past is to miss out on all the future chapters one is bound to write. It’s always fitting when our words to others turn themselves around to us.
I’ve been stupid and selfish. I got stood up tonight. Granted I don’t wanna date him. So, maybe he’s actually spending time with someone who does. Good for him. It would be selfish of me to deny him that since I’ve denied him thus far. “But for some reason, I’ve decided that I should have you in my life.” Hmm. Arrogant or eccentrically charming? I’m both. Are you cheering for the “You’re right, Sunday isn’t Soon Enough” or “Well isn’t that lovely, how Kind of You to decide you want to spend time with me now?”
B referred to me as a reluctant post modernist traveler. (My apologies if I butchered your phraseology—do write on it soon. It’s my arrogance. I’d like to know what that means.) Apparently I’m quite reluctant to do much that is authentic at the moment. I spent a rather inauthentic weekend in KW, I’ve been inauthentic with my feelings, even my clothing has been inauthentic. And yet, when the moment has called on me to let it all out, it ain’t there. (Oh and just so you know, the breasts, they are still authentic.) I’m a passionate person who Uses herself passionately in imitation love, never finding the genuine article.
Ah. Thank you thesaurus.
gen⋅u⋅ine adj
1. having the qualities or value claimed
2. not affected or pretended
3. honest and open in relationships with others
4. being of unmixed breeding
I currently fit none of the above.
A few months back, someone asked me what I was thinking. Over and over again. I now realize, I should have told him. It would have been genuine. He deserved genuine.
Where do I start to make it right. And with whom. Today I commented that to lock oneself up to finish the past is to miss out on all the future chapters one is bound to write. It’s always fitting when our words to others turn themselves around to us.
posted by Cat at 12:35 AM
1 Comments:
"a true though reluctant postmodern pilgrim."
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