Another Conversation

“I’m only in town for another month or so. I’m looking forward to the move, but I’m actually going to miss Miami. I know, right. Well, so if you ever want to hang out or something you should let me know. But don’t say that you will if you don’t have any intention to do so. Its okay either way, just let me know. Okay. Well, just in case I don’t get the chance, I want you to know that I’m sorry. All those times you’d ask me what I was thinking, I should have told you how you overwhelmed me, melted me, and that I was incredibly attracted to you, that I wanted you to know everything, and that you made my stomach leap every time I thought about you. I was just going through a lot and well. I should have told you. It would have been genuine.

You deserve genuine.

And Manhattan absolutely loved you. I’ve never seen her so enamored with someone before or since for that matter.”


…Even if I tried to say it, it wouldn’t sound that good. It wouldn’t be as poetic or if it was, it would sound rehearsed and trite. It’d probably come out sounding like “blahlkghnbvvahhhh.”

And that would suck.

It’s just that, when we realize we’ve missed an opportunity, the feeling like we missed it, where does that come from? Is it that hindsight is 20/20 and you genuinely fucked up? Is it that the thing you think you’ve missed is really just realizing you want it now? Is it that its been so long and you can’t remember but hey its better than nothing, so why not? When do we decide that its right to try and mend the mistake rather then recognizing it and doing better the next time? When do you say I’m sorry rather than nothing at all?

I’ve been away from my philosophy for a while. But I fear that I didn’t treat him like a self-actualized (equal opportunity) independent human being. And I want to make sure I do now.