Follow Through...
“This is the start of something good, don’t you agree?”
I’m 10 days away from my third month in Miami and I’m actually starting to deal with my life here. Of course, I’m writing this on a good glass of Riesling and after watching Someone Like You, but really I think this isn’t a comment resulting from merely a good feeling effect. It might actually be truth. But then again how can I be sure?
I had a psychology grad student moment today when I wanted to call the crazy ass R&B station I listen to in the morning, the Tom Joyner morning show to be exact, and tell them that they were making the fundamental attribution error. For those of you who have not had the good fortune of spending the thesis year with me, the FAE (as we like to call it) is the tendency to attribute outcomes to stable character traits while paying less attention to the context. We also make the FAE when examining our own as well as others behavior. So, when looking at our own behavior, we are more likely to attribute positive outcomes to internal stable character traits and negative outcomes to the environment. When we are looking at others behavior, we are more likely to attribute positive outcomes to the environment, and negative outcomes to internal stable character traits. So, they all made the FAE when they commented that the reason why the Jeopardy guy was winning so much (‘success’) was because the show was rigged (‘environment’). People. Where are the intro psych classes when you need them?
And then I realized I’ve been making it lately and that my whole attribution style is kinda fucked up. Where’s a good social proseminar when you need it!? I’ve been attributing my negative outcomes (ie: my complete failure with guys) to internal stable traits. Anyways, here’s where I go all Sex & the City on you. I realized that I’m too afraid. Of what, I’m not sure I can verbalize it. Maybe that I’m afraid I might actually be happy? Have I created behavioral confirmation? If that’s the case, then unconsciously I’m afraid of my life becoming topsy turvy, that I might actually lose control (which apparently I think I have right now?!) and I might be happy?! So that’s too much of a threat, so I react in subtle ways that make it so I don’t want anything to work out, which my target picks up on and responds in a way that signals to me it won’t work out, which means that I believe it won’t work out so it fails. Wow, if you kept up with that 75 points to you. Anyways, I get it and that’s a scary possibility. I mean, why can’t I call someone I’m terribly attracted to and even have external confirmation that we really connected? What was I so afraid of? Rejection? Or the possibility I might lose control? Lose focus? And be happy?—aye there’s the rub. Here’s the question—right now, this very moment, am I in control? Am I focused? And am I happy?
So what is it going to take to break me out of this? I think that we all self-handicap sometimes. Why do we do it and what are we losing when we do it? It could be something as simple as believing you are going to do poorly on an exam…(I’ll save you the psychological processes)…but you then perform poorly and something as complicated as self-handicapping your life and your future. Do we have that much insight to see what we are doing ever so subtly?
Anyways, that’s the thought for the night. I hope you enjoyed this psychology lesson. We need to ask ourselves why a little more often. But go easy on your psyche; our mind is the only one we got; and as much as we’d like to remove it (I’d quote the movie right now but I’ve had a glass of wine and I’m still not past my alcohol abstinent bachelor phase right now although I’m working on it) its gonna be there for a while and it’s the only one we got. I’ll help you go easy on yours if you help me go easy on mine.
I’m 10 days away from my third month in Miami and I’m actually starting to deal with my life here. Of course, I’m writing this on a good glass of Riesling and after watching Someone Like You, but really I think this isn’t a comment resulting from merely a good feeling effect. It might actually be truth. But then again how can I be sure?
I had a psychology grad student moment today when I wanted to call the crazy ass R&B station I listen to in the morning, the Tom Joyner morning show to be exact, and tell them that they were making the fundamental attribution error. For those of you who have not had the good fortune of spending the thesis year with me, the FAE (as we like to call it) is the tendency to attribute outcomes to stable character traits while paying less attention to the context. We also make the FAE when examining our own as well as others behavior. So, when looking at our own behavior, we are more likely to attribute positive outcomes to internal stable character traits and negative outcomes to the environment. When we are looking at others behavior, we are more likely to attribute positive outcomes to the environment, and negative outcomes to internal stable character traits. So, they all made the FAE when they commented that the reason why the Jeopardy guy was winning so much (‘success’) was because the show was rigged (‘environment’). People. Where are the intro psych classes when you need them?
And then I realized I’ve been making it lately and that my whole attribution style is kinda fucked up. Where’s a good social proseminar when you need it!? I’ve been attributing my negative outcomes (ie: my complete failure with guys) to internal stable traits. Anyways, here’s where I go all Sex & the City on you. I realized that I’m too afraid. Of what, I’m not sure I can verbalize it. Maybe that I’m afraid I might actually be happy? Have I created behavioral confirmation? If that’s the case, then unconsciously I’m afraid of my life becoming topsy turvy, that I might actually lose control (which apparently I think I have right now?!) and I might be happy?! So that’s too much of a threat, so I react in subtle ways that make it so I don’t want anything to work out, which my target picks up on and responds in a way that signals to me it won’t work out, which means that I believe it won’t work out so it fails. Wow, if you kept up with that 75 points to you. Anyways, I get it and that’s a scary possibility. I mean, why can’t I call someone I’m terribly attracted to and even have external confirmation that we really connected? What was I so afraid of? Rejection? Or the possibility I might lose control? Lose focus? And be happy?—aye there’s the rub. Here’s the question—right now, this very moment, am I in control? Am I focused? And am I happy?
So what is it going to take to break me out of this? I think that we all self-handicap sometimes. Why do we do it and what are we losing when we do it? It could be something as simple as believing you are going to do poorly on an exam…(I’ll save you the psychological processes)…but you then perform poorly and something as complicated as self-handicapping your life and your future. Do we have that much insight to see what we are doing ever so subtly?
Anyways, that’s the thought for the night. I hope you enjoyed this psychology lesson. We need to ask ourselves why a little more often. But go easy on your psyche; our mind is the only one we got; and as much as we’d like to remove it (I’d quote the movie right now but I’ve had a glass of wine and I’m still not past my alcohol abstinent bachelor phase right now although I’m working on it) its gonna be there for a while and it’s the only one we got. I’ll help you go easy on yours if you help me go easy on mine.
posted by Cat at 8:23 PM
1 Comments:
I love your crazy-ass psyche, don't hurt it. But dammit, be happy already!
Laughing at the image of your psyche's ass,
Dana
Post a Comment
<< Home