Confessions
“If I was your woman here’s what I’d do I’d never never no no stop lovin you.”
So, I’m guilty as charged. I bitch about not getting phone calls yet I can’t make them myself. It’s a contradiction in the concept of promising. If I promise to call and then don’t, people then will say, what is the purpose of making a promise if we don’t keep it? So the system of promises will break down because it no longer has meaning. I’m contributing to the ultimate failure of the world. I’m not going into my psyche here because I think I’ve already done it and lord knows we don’t wanna overdue the analysis here. Beat the damn thing to death already. But I suck. Thanks.
I now refuse to watch anything that isn’t at least a little life affirming. That’s right. I even turn off Oprah if she’s got something on there that just doesn’t deal with the humanity in the world. Which is why I am now addicted to the Food Network. This could be dangerous. The one redeeming possibility is my sincere lack of motivation to cook and more importantly to clean. I’m currently watching an episode on the making of bbq. Finger lickin’ napkin messin’ goodness.
I melted. Again.
Manhattan decided that my arm is now a chew toy. Lucky me.
It was cold enough in Miami today to wear my dear trench coat.
Today was cleaning day. And I realized how much I still have to do. We’re always cleaning and rearranging and expunging from our records. I think of how much I’ve changed in the last 4 years, in the last 4 months and wonder, how do I explain who I am to someone new? How do I explain the choices I’ve made? I’ve rearranged myself, my place in the world, my locus with respect to other human beings. I’ve vacuumed my attitude and trimmed my ego and now I’m ready for people that I would have never met years and years ago. I’m open to experiences I would have ignored and life choices I would have scoffed at. So where do I start with myself…
So, I’m guilty as charged. I bitch about not getting phone calls yet I can’t make them myself. It’s a contradiction in the concept of promising. If I promise to call and then don’t, people then will say, what is the purpose of making a promise if we don’t keep it? So the system of promises will break down because it no longer has meaning. I’m contributing to the ultimate failure of the world. I’m not going into my psyche here because I think I’ve already done it and lord knows we don’t wanna overdue the analysis here. Beat the damn thing to death already. But I suck. Thanks.
I now refuse to watch anything that isn’t at least a little life affirming. That’s right. I even turn off Oprah if she’s got something on there that just doesn’t deal with the humanity in the world. Which is why I am now addicted to the Food Network. This could be dangerous. The one redeeming possibility is my sincere lack of motivation to cook and more importantly to clean. I’m currently watching an episode on the making of bbq. Finger lickin’ napkin messin’ goodness.
I melted. Again.
Manhattan decided that my arm is now a chew toy. Lucky me.
It was cold enough in Miami today to wear my dear trench coat.
Today was cleaning day. And I realized how much I still have to do. We’re always cleaning and rearranging and expunging from our records. I think of how much I’ve changed in the last 4 years, in the last 4 months and wonder, how do I explain who I am to someone new? How do I explain the choices I’ve made? I’ve rearranged myself, my place in the world, my locus with respect to other human beings. I’ve vacuumed my attitude and trimmed my ego and now I’m ready for people that I would have never met years and years ago. I’m open to experiences I would have ignored and life choices I would have scoffed at. So where do I start with myself…
posted by Cat at 10:01 PM
1 Comments:
"...how do I explain who I am to someone new? How do I explain the choices I’ve made?"
Is there really any explanation? Words can't convey the pondering, the agonizing, the pain and elation, the challenges, the places, and most of all the relationships that have formed us into who we are. I think new people just have to take us at face value in the beginning. Explanations of who we are can't come through words, only through relationships.
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