Deliver me
“Well I don’t expect the world to implode beneath me but for god’s sake you could try”
Faith. I’m lacking it seriously. In others and in myself. What will it take for me to believe? And what do I believe? I have faith in the strength of science to answer our questions, solve our problems, and cure our ills. Aditya would lament my failure to fully grasp the crisis in social psychology. Oops. I believe in my research and its ability to fix the legal system and bring legal professionals together into one common understanding of what is right and wrong. Have I too much faith in the midst of my overall deficiency? Medicine will rid me of maligned cells that have betrayed their family and I have faith that it will provide an answer if these strays have wrecked more than havoc. And I’ve been politely chastised for my failure to believe in the ability of a supreme being to comfort or cure. And I’ve been ‘buked for lacking trust in another person and his ability to come through. I’m sorry.
But I’ve answered my phone question. I can’t call because I’ve been failed by others too many times. I’ve been chided for my failure to put myself out there because I don’t want to be hurt. Sometimes it’s easier to just not try if the certain end is failure; then we save ourselves the inevitable hurt. But how many times does it have to be wrong before it’s right? And when will I know ‘great’ if I never know ‘good’ or even ‘good enough’? And when is enough just what it is, enough?
One of the girls who works at the café is moving to Denver. She has never lived away from Miami in her young 19 years. She’s moving out to be with her boyfriend and to take college classes. Starting over. We always are. When do we stop starting? Is there ever a point at which we settle down?
He just called. And melted the coldness out of my heart again.
After two calls, I told myself his number would qualify for space in my directory. I should do that now.
“She was so cynical about love 'cause she didn't want to be heart broken again”
“I’ve been ‘buked and I’ve been scorned. I’ve been ‘buked and I’ve been scorned. Children.”
“Didn’t my Lord deliver Daniel? Didn’t my Lord deliver Daniel? And why not for every man? A man went down to the river. A man went down to the river. He went down there to pray. A man went down to the river. A man went down to the river. To wash all his sins away.”
Faith. I’m lacking it seriously. In others and in myself. What will it take for me to believe? And what do I believe? I have faith in the strength of science to answer our questions, solve our problems, and cure our ills. Aditya would lament my failure to fully grasp the crisis in social psychology. Oops. I believe in my research and its ability to fix the legal system and bring legal professionals together into one common understanding of what is right and wrong. Have I too much faith in the midst of my overall deficiency? Medicine will rid me of maligned cells that have betrayed their family and I have faith that it will provide an answer if these strays have wrecked more than havoc. And I’ve been politely chastised for my failure to believe in the ability of a supreme being to comfort or cure. And I’ve been ‘buked for lacking trust in another person and his ability to come through. I’m sorry.
But I’ve answered my phone question. I can’t call because I’ve been failed by others too many times. I’ve been chided for my failure to put myself out there because I don’t want to be hurt. Sometimes it’s easier to just not try if the certain end is failure; then we save ourselves the inevitable hurt. But how many times does it have to be wrong before it’s right? And when will I know ‘great’ if I never know ‘good’ or even ‘good enough’? And when is enough just what it is, enough?
One of the girls who works at the café is moving to Denver. She has never lived away from Miami in her young 19 years. She’s moving out to be with her boyfriend and to take college classes. Starting over. We always are. When do we stop starting? Is there ever a point at which we settle down?
He just called. And melted the coldness out of my heart again.
After two calls, I told myself his number would qualify for space in my directory. I should do that now.
“She was so cynical about love 'cause she didn't want to be heart broken again”
“I’ve been ‘buked and I’ve been scorned. I’ve been ‘buked and I’ve been scorned. Children.”
“Didn’t my Lord deliver Daniel? Didn’t my Lord deliver Daniel? And why not for every man? A man went down to the river. A man went down to the river. He went down there to pray. A man went down to the river. A man went down to the river. To wash all his sins away.”
posted by Cat at 10:08 PM
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