Punk'd

I'll be glad to post pictures once they are available. As I went out this afternoon, I noticed something was on my car. Didn't really realize what it was until I got closer. Turns out, a Big Boston B was covering my Yankees sticker. I laughed my head off, but I think Lola was traumatized. Although my Problem informed me that the "B" actually increased the value of my car; I begged to differ.

Remember that time I was complaining about having decisions? Yep aint got to make none right now cause I aint got nuthin.

Manhattan is crazy tonight...its still bite mommy time. Let's hope she gets over this soon. Today she was trying to bite my ass...lets just say that isn't much attractive. At least when a cat with really sharp teeth is doing it!

This is the part where the title of the blog changes to "We shall overcome..." or perhaps "Swing low Sweet Chariot coming for to carry me home..."
Cause "early in da morning massa gots me workin when will massa set me freee?" Yeahh now the High Priestess Feminazi has decided I should be "available" regardless of whether or not she actually has work for me. Just call me her house slave; perhaps I'll just sleep at the foot of her bed in case she needs a cold glass of water in the middle of the night. Please...I really dont think she's a human being anymore. She also thinks that I'll work on Saturday for her....buuuulllllllllllshit!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hell no fool! She also invited me to a feminazi party...the lack of y-chromosomes just makes that inherently bad.

I'm miserable.

But I love you.

Oh if only...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6331932/

Actually, I'd really rather see the following courses:
Interpersonal Relationships 101
Dating 101
Communication 101

"Try to remember...

That time in September when words were kept beside your pillow try to remember and if you remember then follow"
-The Fantasticks "Where are you going? Where are you going? Can you take me with you? For my hand is cold and needs warmth where are you going?" -Godspell John says "this will all make perfect sense some day."

Sure.

In need of reclaiming snark.

Speaking of reclaiming, some of the feminazis decided that pink is oppressive towards women. So they are reclaiming pink. Sigh.

Working out today, a really good-looking slightly/maybe boarding geriatric man walks in and starts to lift. And I'm like MEOW. Until he begins to pick at his pimples in the mirror. Listen, I don't care if you don't consider me evolutionarily viable and thus don't feel the need to impress me, but I DO NOT wanna see you pick your face in the work out room. It's nasty. Almost as nasty as the two guys lifting (who were neither geriatric nor near gorgeous) making sounds somewhere on the continuum between severely constipated---explosive diarrhea---the vomit comet. It does nothing for me.

Manhattan is a smart kittah. She knows that mommy doesn't exactly love it when she pounces up and down the couch. So what does mommy do? Give her attention of course. Um hi. Mommy is a psych major and needs to know better that to condition the damn cat. Um...this whole "mommy" thing bothers me too. I don't know if its cause it sounds too domesticated or if reminds me of all the damn Bosox losers yelling "HEEYYYYYYYYY Big Papi!" in their best latin accents. And really it could just sound nasty. Lets be honest.

This eclipse needs to get a move on.

Let's talk about how I ran the most unorganized study last night. Remember the honors thesis? Better yet remember the boxes and file folders? Remember how my kids deliberated for-fucking-ever? Yep. Apparently, they never
a)have seen me run a study
b)had to work for Shaver
Um and lets talk about how undergrads should be doing this, not grad students. Don't even get me started on how we have to do data entry. Dumb asses.

Dana's parents rock my world.
a)They send me fabulous cards that make my day
b)They send me pumpkin candles

When is the apocalypse going to come into my life again? I think it all started around an eclipse last year..........
Let's hope it has a better ending this time.

Cynthia worried that I hadn't called her in a few days. I thought that maybe she thought I was passed out in my apartment and was actually concerned for my well being. Nope. She thought I actually liked Miami. Silly girl.

HELP

I need help with some kittah names!
She's orange and white

Here's my choices thus far (I want New York-esque names!)

Manhattan
Olivia
Titania
Hermia

Send me suggestions (from above or your own!)

Gurrrrr I'm a panther

enjoyed miami for two days/cynthia/cheesecake/finally finishing a bottle of wine/pool/tan/study/Yankees win/study/Yankees win/Study study study/Yankees lose lose lose/good work outs/sadness/study/unreasonable wait for a phone call/exam/kittah!

I'm going to be a mommy! On saturday. I pick up my very own kittah! Went to the Miami-Dade Animal Serivces today to pick out a kitty and pick up some cops. I managed to do one but not the other. You can guess which.

It's 87 here and its October 21. Crazy

What is it with the Miami tv shows that have two big old guys singing and a row of women in thongs dancing behind them?

And I love it when the WS people make comments that imply lesbian sex is inherently better than heterosexual sex. It makes me feel good about my life.

Meow.

Boston: Who's your daddy?

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/playoffs2004/columns/story?columnist=caple_jim&id=1903520

I heart the Yankees

Why is this not in Miami?

http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/10/13/firefighters.sex.reut/index.html

OIF

"Only In Florida"

The big news story today...a horse owner in Davie is missing his goat. Apparently the goat's best friend is a horse who is depressed without him. The names of the animals you ask? Clowny and Butthead.

A) Why was this on tv?
B) Obviously cause the owner was like hell I should call the newsstation about this one. The person who answered the call could have cared less that the damn goat was missing but the names were too funny to pass up. Thus I spend 5 minutes of my life being compelled to worry about Clowny and Butthead.

Why?

Love

I'm not watching the debates tonight. Boston, who's your daddy?!

Cynthia is coming to Miami this Saturday; we've decided that we need a spa moment this weekend, so she's getting a pedicure and I'm getting a manicure. She's also very excited to pose her special question this weekend. I think she'll be really quite torn up if she can't. Let's be honest, I can't say I'd wouldn't be thrilled if she askes it in one specific way. Poor Miami; I don't think it knows what it is in for.

Watching Dr. Phil makes me realize I'm doing okay. I haven't gotten pregnant, kicked my pregnant daughter out of my house, or lost a child. Ah. It makes these damn proposals seem so much better. But it also makes me wanna share the love I have to give with something other than a four-legged friend; cause we need more love in the world. I need to finish this PhD so I can start...

Here's the thing that ticks me off about parents that want to adopt. Why only babies?! There are so many children that are older and need loving. What better thing can someone do than adopt an older child? Show them that people in the world love them...cause a baby don't know the difference! But these kids will. I don't get it; if you wanna be a parent so badly, if you feel 'called' to do so, why limit your love?

My espresso machine is a ho again. She put out this weekend and it was good. I celebrate all that coffee does for me. I had a pumpkin spice latte at Barnes & Noble today. I've got a thing for pumpkin right now; can you imagine if men started to wear a pumpkin based cologne? Ah. It wouldn't be safe for the Y-chromosomes.

Quote of the day: "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other-love. And I don't think that love is here in this expensive suite in this lovely hotel in Paris."
"I know what I need and don't wanna waste more time. I'm in a New York State of mind."

Brain Barf

Since I've got to complete two proposals tonight as well as read a whole lot of articles, I'm just doing to dump all the great things that happened today. Enjoy and feel free to comment and pontificate as necessary.

Endured a 20 minute rant on how horrible and hideous the legal system is. Basically, it's just an evil system that would do much better to have professional jurors cause the ones we gots are fucked up. Oh and prosecutors/defense attorneys/judges are scheming together to screw over victims and defendants because THEY DONT CARE. Victims and defendants are just numbers--they are faceless to these soul-less attorneys. Concluded with the sly drop "From what I've seen working on this case." From an I/O prof--what the fuck?!

I'm tired of WS. They have no love for the Y Chromosome. Seriously. Granted, I'd be a feminist by definition, but what pisses me off is that they are stuck in the whole "I'm oppressed by the penis" stage. Get over it. That was so 1960s. Stand up and be a woman. Whatever that is.

Academia is messed up. Probably all of 3 profs that I know here have a functional relationship (2 married, 1 not legally able to). Others are 35-somethings who fly to NYC to visit with a friend that they really don't know how to define her relationship with him and the other goes to a movie alone and then calls her girlfriend halfway across the movie to talk about the same movie she saw so they can kinda sorta "date." It doesn't leave me much hope.

Saw a flag next to the FIU one that advertised "House of Horrors!" I didn't know FIU needed double the advertisements.

Check this out re: my dog comments from the last blog. http://channels.netscape.com/ns/love/package.jsp?name=fte/manwithdog/manwithdog

I need drugs. Or just more time to actually function as a human being. Anyone wanna donate hours?

I heart the Yankees. You should all cheer them on as they play Boston tomorrow night. No evil witch dances. They must win.

I've discovered that I'm an East Coast rap girl. And I've re-discovered 50 Cent. Perhaps thats why I can't stand the femi-nazis.
Quote of the day: "You can find me in the club, bottle full of Bud
Mama, I got that X, if you into takin' drugs
I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love
So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed"

"I've got a lot of livin to do!"

Clothing myself on the weekends has really gone to pot. If I decide to a) get dressed or b) change out of the pjs, I really have very few options because I don't believe in looking good if all I'm going to do is sit around and watch sports while I pretend to do work. Now, granted, when I do work at Barnes and Noble tomorrow, chances are I will actually make an effort to put on real clothes and even the extra step of some makeup. Cause let's be honest, belief perseverance still has a hold on me and even though I've been shown many times over that if there are any good looking men in Kendall they a) won't talk to me or b) won't be at the Barnes and Noble, I still hold out hope. So, today I decided to put on the capri stretch pants that sometimes double as workout clothes and my Yankees t-shirt which makes me Jorge Posada for the day. I heart it needless to say. But the outfit seriously reminded me of some overworked (which I am) prissy soccer mom (which I definetly am not). I took issue with this but didn't change. Too much work and since I had to clean the apartment and watch the Yankees tonight, I figure its an appropriate outfit. And then the outfit reminded me of Bye Bye Birdie because the capri stretch pants scream 1960s. Thus, the song "Got a lot of livin" popped into my head.

I tried to first deal with the hilarity of these lyrics: "There are men of 19 or 20 who are suave and reckless and true. Older men who give a girl plenty, I've got a lot of livin to do!" Um lets talk about this. Men of 19 or 20...sorry, they must have meant children. Typographical error I'm sure cause anyone who just went through college knows that men do not exist between the ages of 1 day old and at least 25 yrs old. That sounded bitter so I'll make a lame attempt at an apology for offending anyone. I'm sorry. But honestly, talk about things changing over time! I'd love all old musicals to be rewritten. Like take Guys and Dolls for example--the women experience psychosomatic symptoms because they aint married. Oh wait--that still happens TODAY! Sorry, I screwed that criticism up. People should really stop me from blogging...I shouldn't be trusted with such a thing.

Cynthia and I debated the whole man vs. dog controversy. I say I need either one; she is vehemently opposed to the dog. I can't win the argument but I still stand by my claim that I'll take either. Although I wouldn't let the dog on my very pretty bed which would pose a problem for being comforted at night when I realize I have to wake up and go to FIU each morning. Minor issues. Hell, I won't be picky. I'll take what I can get even if it slobers.

I have pumpkin spice candles burning. It makes it feel like home--it's a remarkable comforting smell. I could get all psycholoy on yall but I figure one references is all one can handle in a day. Anyways...if you'd like to get on my good side, send pumpkin votive candles from Target. I'd heart you big time.

And finally, a short note about my great grandma Frances Siracusa who passed on this morning. God I'm gonna miss her. This summer, when I visited with my Dad, grandma, and Uncle Tony, she kept saying to me "You're so pretty. Isn't she so beautiful?" Beyond being absolutely stunned by her amazement with me, it became funny when Uncle Tony began asking "What about me ma, aren't I pretty?" And she'd make a face like hell no! Thanks for my Italian blood grandma. She married my great grandfather at 16 and I remember going to their house when I was younger and seeing the beautiful garden that grandpa kept. Every summer, towards the end, they'd give us little baskets of raspberries and blackberries which I loved. And it's that which makes me want to run off to Italy and have a little house with a huge garden and a vineyard, meet a beautiful Italian man, make lots of babies, and cook all the time. She's always watched out for us and now she can with grandpa. I could use another guardian angel right now and she'll make the best.

All is good in the world

I found the one place in Miami where they consistenly only speak English. The Post Office. I heart you. There's not even a hit of that horrible Miami accent; it's pure, unadulterated English. I was so besides myself with excitement that I don't think I stopped smiling the entire time I was there. They talked about baseball (in English), the horrible lines (in English), and mailing crap (IN ENGLISH!!!!!!). Do you think it would be odd if I showed up there everyday just to say hi? It is open until 6pm, so I can probably make it back from FIU each day just to have quality post office time.

All is good in the world again. I went shopping after I got out of work and found a lovely little day spa tucked behind the Old Navy. I got my eyebrows waxed and they look good. happy sigh. Now all I have to do is get my haircut there. Seriously, it was a good life decision.

I found out last night that A-Rod is from Miami. I tried to come up with reasons to hate him but failed because he redeemed himself by being born in NY. Seriously though, he met his wife in a gym in Coconut Grove; I contemplated joining for all of one minute until I remembered the traffic I would have to drive through just for the mere hope that a good looking, intelligent, straight Latino happened to want me at the gym. After considering that I realized, it'll really never happen. Where are the beautiful Latinos!? Lets be honest, if I find them, I'll learn Spanish.

The WS department slightly redeemed itself today by playing lots of John Mayer. I didn't want to do any work as a result but instead contemplate someone's body that is a wonderland.
Dana I thought of you and the last John Mayer concert experience. Krispy Kreme hats are attractive on everyone.

Quote of the day: "University of Florida: A place to leave home for" My addendum: Unlike FIU: the shithole of academia

Yankees in my Mailbox

I had Yankees in my mailbox yesterday. Yes they ALL fit in there; granted it's small but I'm venturing that they are really quite multitalented. ;c) Okay okay...I'll be honest, they were pictures of my Bronx Bombers. My mom and dad went to a Yankees game last weekend and per Stef and my request, came back with various pictures of stretching/playing the game/and more stretching. Stef and I went through the pics last night as well, and she's quite disturbed that we can't determine whose ass is in the air on picture #18. I honestly wasn't that concerned and since I can't say I know them (loverly bottoms, that is), I couldn't help her out there.

Little Debbie oatmeal creme pies are smaller than they used to be. Don't worry, I'll fight back...I'll just have two.

Halloween is coming up soon and I CANT WAIT. No, I don't have some fabulous costume or a rockin party to go to. I'm gonna sit my ass on my really really nice couch (always available for therapy, Cynthia) and when kids come a pounding on my door I'm gonna give them their required dose of sugah. I'm starting to plan what kind of candy to give out--seriously I'm hard core and now that I've got a place of my own I need some trick-or-treat strategery. Operation Sugah will definetly include twizzlers. More additions to come.... And then I remember I'm in Miami and since all people here are, cooperatively speaking, the Devil, they've probably done away will Halloween or anything remotely normal, and just to spite me, lead me to believe I'll have lots of trick-or-treaters so I buy a shitload of candy and then I'll have to eat it all by myself. Sigh.

Anyways...Yankees play again tomorrow night. Heather...no curses or hexes or evil witch dances in your backyard. They must win.

Quote of the day: "All season long, Rodriguez has waited for this moment, as much as the city has waited on him. Silly him. Silly us. Everyone should have known that on this team, in this town, such memories can be made only in October."

Reclaiming Wit

So, this is my feeble attempt at a blog. I've heard too many complains that I need to post my thoughts somewhere, so I'm giving in. Mind you, this is my second attempt in the past two years or so, so we will see how long this lasts. And frankly, Cynthia is having too much fun on her "blurty" that I couldn't in good faith let her experience all the fun alone.

Since I began living in Miami, I've realized that I'm honestly not that funny anymore. Perhaps its a function of the fact that all my people are now scattered across the country and not around to draw my fabulousness out or perhaps its a function of the fact that I just LOVE MIAMI. Riiight. And since I'm now working in the women's studies department at FIU (it's my TA position) and they are all just obsessed with the fact they got the rights to the Vagina Monologues, I've decided that I'm going to reclaim something and it doesn't start with a "c". Reclaiming wit. I need to for my own well-being. Cynthia pointed out that I really ought wear some absolutely obnoxious t-shirt around the department. I found what it should say watching Chris Rock the other night. "Women need food, water, compliments...and an occasional pair of shoes." Oh they'd love that.

I'm not watching the debates tonight. I've pretty much made up my mind and frankly I don't care to watch the prospective VPs ignore each other and talk with the moderator which serves as a great substitute for talking to the people. Can't wait for the Bush-Kerry "Town Hall" Debate. Anyways...I'm watching baseball. The Yankees need all of my attention as it is and honestly, watching A-Rod is better than any politician any day. He doesn't have to talk...he just hits a ball and runs his sexy ass around those bases...he couldn't offend me even if he tried. It's precious.

It's time for food and the never ending onslaught of work.
Quote of the week: (overhead on FIU's campus) Guy 1: "I just love absolutely everything about women" Guy 2: "So what does that make you?" Guy 1: "That makes me a BAAADDDD AASSSSSSSS!!!"